I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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