I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
