My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
