So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
