Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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