Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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