his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
