After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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