I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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