I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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