will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
