You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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