remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
