What a fucking waste of an outfit
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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