I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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