he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
