My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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