I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
