She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
