i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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