My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
