Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
