Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
