all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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