i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
