When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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