Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
