Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
