she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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