miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
