well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
