It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish i was in the wii world.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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