Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
