She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
