Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
