if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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