my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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