my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize