So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
