so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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