So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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