I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
