My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
