Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
