The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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