legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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