Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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