I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
