remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
