toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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