spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
