OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
