just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this will be a night to untag.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
