just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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