Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
