Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you will always have a special place in my vag
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
