I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
