This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
