I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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