Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
