she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
