so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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