Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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