hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
