My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
