Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He shit in the fireplace
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
