then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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