it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
