my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
